SpiritMaa

I’m smashed up emotionally after finishing the book The Heart of the Fire. With a lovely picture of the ‘Lord and Lady’ on the front cover, I was wondering whether the book would be too much the ‘pagan romance’ to be worth my time, however I couldn’t have been farther from the truth.

 Going very deeply into the earth magic and altered states involved in the training of a pagan priestess in Scotland during the late 1500’s – as well as her life and loves, the author states that this is her recall of a past life. However the title doesn’t refer only to the fire of passion between her and one of her soul-mates. Any of us who know the Goddess in this life should pay attention to the title’s forewarning reference to The Burning Times, and should consider seriously whether or not we can stomach reading this beautiful, awful story.

The power of her melding with the trees, merging with the animals – her meeting with the fey, her expansion into the starry sky, her merging with her lovers and past life visions – all keep me fully involved despite my worry for the story’s end. Her story has power. This young priestess wielded it, her coven wielded it – the power of love for the Mother is clear.

It is hard for me to face that this priestess had a choice in what happened to her. It is hard for me to face that because of the loss of one love, her grief would not allow her to fully open to a second love. With my own lived knowledge of the power of the emotional life, I must give her process of grieving due respect. However, the author is clearly indicating that she, as priestess in this past life, could have allowed her second love to help her heal, and in doing so, could have avoided a brutal end. As I too have grieved the ending of relationship, I understand the process. I even have an inkling of how it can take you down. But no one should risk unspeakable brutality, and a terrifying death because their grieving process was not complete (let alone for their love of Mother Earth!)

It is at times like this that I am hardly able to understand how to function in a world where humans are allowed to unleash such violence on each other. It almost incapacitates me at a soul level that we are capable of such. How did this come to be part of learning here on the earth plane? Why would I or anyone else come here when learning to love can have such brutal consequences? I see myself standing and shaking my fist at the sky that Spirit could allow such. I wonder how many lives I have taken this stance, raging at the insanity of it all. ... I wonder that we are not all broken by the violence, never able to recover in life after life. How do we do it? How does any of us choose the Goddess, choose to love our Mother, choose love in any form when the consequences are such?

Is it true like Stan Grof says in The Cosmic Game that we’ve all been the oppressor and all been the oppressed? Why does this keep coming back to me like a mantra after I finish the story?  I want to scream and rage against the patriarchal, inquisitional 'machine' - instead I find myself coming back to this. Why does it calm me?  Is it a way to deny the pain? Is it a way to help make sense of things? Is it a way to challenge me to try to keep loving in spite of it all?

dreams. are they random fragments of our day? messages from the subconscious? indicators of archetypal forces at work in our psyche? predictions of the future? messages from the cosmos? indicators of our fears? visits from those who have crossed over? encounters with the astral plane? a chance to play out our desires? a pipeline to the collective consciousness? a chance to go to night school ? or telegraphs from the divine?

 when you realize your life decisions have taken you down a different road than most, is it enough to try to love the planet? when there are no children and family is far away, is it enough to follow your passion? when the fast pace of friends lives precludes frequent connection, is it enough to commune with gods and spirits? when existential angst takes over, can comfort come from the stories? when emotional process runs deep, is it ok to follow its lead? though other models abound, is loving differently enough?!?...        

Book Review

Now what about the beautiful Call to Power: Grandmothers Speak by Sharon McErlane? That book really knocked me out! As the main character was initiated on the spiritual plane by the Great Council of Grandmothers, I felt moved to enter the same energy meditatively, and felt the call to trust the divine form of the grandmothers. Many things touched me – that so many of us have had no role models for women claiming their power in past generations. That the grandmothers are here to help us with rebalancing this yin energy. That we don’t have to do the work alone –that we should come to them often and they will fill us up. That being filled full abolishes all sense of separation from Source. They tell us “we do the giving – let us give through you. This type of giving will bring you pleasure – you will feel our presence and love pouring through you. In this way, the work should be effortless… Meditate on the web of light that holds all of you doing this work together…"

"We dance together in an interweaving motion – what seems wrong bears within it the seeds of light… Your work is not separate from planetary work. Stuck states must be moved, karma must be burned, that is all… pain occurs where new energy meets old…

the old is cracking off… Yin and yang shape each other by moving against each other, each one pushing in its’ natural flow against the other.The flow must move from aggression now, back to nurturance and comfort of the Mother. We can no longer afford the delusion that we are separate from god. "

"As we begin to relate to the divine in this way, we help save the planet. Much anxiety and depression come from being cut off from the body, from the earth for too long. Claim the earth, call on her. She wants her own back… The fear of emptiness of being nothing, makes for a tight holding on… it is time to reorient to yin being rather than yang doing. When the great emptiness is not feared, it becomes the great fullness… Let each expand into the indigo blue night sky – be enfolded in the color, feel the starlight…. "

 " Remember the natural ebb and flow from action to rest. Remember the natural rest period in life! Allow the yin energy to fill you, and being will be enough. When woman fills with the energy of yin, she will be a more effective leader in the world. Observe your nature then follow it. When you have a strong feeling, both emotionally and in your bodies, follow that…. There is great power building now. As you come awake, remember, the earth is your friend, your ally. Allow yourself to dance. Trust the grace within you. This is not a hostile world – harmony underlies the excess of yang energy. Trust in the underlying harmony and do not fear. Remember how much you are loved. Turn to us, call on us. Let our love pour through you. Dance with life and it will dance with you…May everyone in all the worlds be happy… may the blessing of self radiate out to all beings... "

Book Review: Magdalene Rising, The Passion of Magdalene

While reading Elizabeth Cunningham's Celtic pre-quel, Magdalene Rising, I was moved.  I found myself crying with recognition at the very tantric parts of the story.  When she anoints the skull she finds by the sacred pool with her own menstrual blood….  When sex is discussed as ‘friendship of the thighs…. ‘  When she takes the name Maeve, after the warrior queen, ‘the intoxicated one,’ who had nine husbands, and 30 men a day if she chose….   When I read, ‘if you can face your fears, you will find all that you need right there….’ When snakes were making love to Maeve during her 3 day initiation…during the discussion of the power of the snakes within, the kundalini… As I saw Maeve go ‘toe to toe’ with Esus (young Jesus) in druid school, as I saw her acting as guide in his life on the subtle levels: shape-shifting into dove form, as she would in the next book,  anointing him, naming him, calming the storm, saving his life, over and over…. I was so moved I had to reread her first book The Passion of Magdalene. 

Felt its power in a different way this time.  Really this is the story of Magdalene before it’s his story.  The pain she had (?) to go through to choose meeting Esus again...The call of the goddess in a foreign land.  Being recognized as a priestess even as a slave in Rome. Owning her healing power, the fire of the stars… Channeling the goddess under a new name.  How could anyone be so strong?  To not have anger about being raped (well Esus healed the pain of her first rape).  But what about the others?  Where is that anger????  What kind of pain to find her lost foster father in the land of the oppressor right before his death?  Is it believable that she can be a lover of the world, become a sacred sexual priestess without dealing with all this pain? Get whipped, and almost stoned….  Or were the periodic healings (from the prophetess Anna, from Mother Miriam) enough to carry her through? How could she have been so plugged in, so well trained shamanically on the Celtic Island of Women, so loved, have so much power, and still have to go through all this?  Is it like she tells Yeshua, one has to be lost to become found?... 

She goes head to head with him, even when he wants to marry her.  He has to accept all of her, goddess worshipper, priestess, sacred whore – all of it. Isn’t it great when Yeshua (Jesus) compares her to Kali?  I also love it when she challenges his jealous, vengeful god….   When she asks about outcast demons – saying maybe like other outcasts, they need a job to do to keep them out of mischief.  And it being her idea to give the disciples the healing energy: fire of the stars… teaching them to love whoever is in front of them like the beloved… 

The thread through the whole story, Maeve’s link to the story of Isis, her terrible task to search for the pieces of her beloved and re-member him foreshadowing the ending we all know is coming… But in between, the honoring of the ‘kingdom’ as the feast – the feast here and now on earth – with the goal to bring everyone to the table….  Near the end, Jesus submits completely to her-- asks her to anoint him with her menstrual blood.  When he is on the cross, she shares his pain, telling him she will never forsake him. And the ultimate tantric Isis-like thing… to make love with Jesus after he crosses over, to love him back into life in her form as goddess…. One thing’s for sure, though this is the story of their love, more than that, it’s her story…A story of magic, of love, of life,of survival, of pain and numbness, of reclamation of power and sexuality, of the call of the goddess, certainly not only the act of death, one death in particular….  Is it really all a dance -- meeting, parting, loving, leaving as Maeve says it is ??.... 

Elizabeth Cunningham is channeling one tantric full-on powerful Mari Magdalene in these two books!

a few years ago....

well, we were not exactly in the cremation grounds, as we were all westerners living in a large west coast city, and the closest we could get to cremation grounds was outside a columbarium... however, at my impetus, there we were.  i had been following a path that was slowly revealing itself to be a part of goddess oriented tantric traditions, and to my surprise, felt a call to meditate in a graveyard.  no, i wasn't crazy, and no, i'm not a ghost whisperer.  rather, it was an inner directive. part of the left handed tantric path in india, it's true -- however, we weren't in india and i didn't have a guru. surprisingly i found a few kindred souls who wanted to join me.  two men and two women, all having practiced in different traditions.  one was following a native american path.  one was following an initiated shakta tantric path.  one was following the path of dreaming.  one was following some of all of the above -- me.  the columbarium being in a residential neighborhood, not situated conveniently on the ganges like in india, we chanted together inside my car.  creating safe sacred space, in hope that energy raised would be of assistance to any souls who were stuck there...the more chanting, the more heart opening energy, the more we sent it out freely to those in need...  

another night two of us ventured to an old military cemetery.  it was close by, and we thought there would be plenty in need of assistance there (this was in the middle of the w. years, and we thought it was the least we could do).  because my friend was more comfortable between the worlds, i put him on the side where i could feel the heavier energies.   we circled to create safe space, and then laid down to meditate on top of the car.  i was listening to some heart expanding chakra music, and found myself focusing my energy on creating a ladder from the earth to the sky, right through the trees in front of me... when i felt/saw some rather churlish energy on the side of us - i told it to talk to my comrade, not me (as he was steadier with these sorts of situations).  debriefing afterwards, turns out my meditation partner had indeed had to work hard to keep the churlish one out of our space and send him on his way (note to self, we needed stronger circle boundaries).  then found out that unplanned, we had both been guiding folks to the same earth-sky light ladder- me with my heart expanded energy and he with his dreamtime/out-of-body energies...

Fall 2009

So what do you think happens when you are sitting across from a partner, doing tantric meditation, and after saying 'let go' outloud - thinking it's for him -- you realize it's really you that needs to let go.  And all the sudden the energy comes pouring up your spine, and your arms start moving, and your body starts vibrating, and you find yourself hissing like a snake.  You find your hand moving up to his heart chakra and tapping it over and over.  Then with the heel of your hand you find yourself pushing his forehead back, like you are initiating him, or giving him shaktipat....  How easy is it to let go and let this energy come?  Do any fears come up?  How safe do you have to feel with your meditation partner to let this happen? How safe do you have to feel with the divine energy you are working with?...How comfortable is a man responding to initation or shaktipat coming through a woman?  Are male tantric adepts, even with many years of practice, aware that in many tantric traditions the initiator is the female?     

 October 2009

Tahoe Spirit - energy of the fir tree covered mountains and sandy beaches,energy of eagle and the wind rippling the waves, energy of sun that warms the water and me, moonlight that mystifies, starlight and milky way that moves me into ancestor space, energy of the 1000 foot+ snow fed crystal clear lady of the lake.   Jai Maa. Your earth waves, wind-water and light waves hold me steady through the receiving and the grieving, you clear and purify my energy, and amplify internal vibration. You accept my offering, and do not mind my enthrallment with Alaska energies... 

September 09

Gale force winds the first night. Surprise to find the effort needed to stay upright -- prone, however, the boat rocked us to sleep. Later sitting on deck and watching the ocean, I was  enthralled.  And more than rewarded with a humpback whale greeting and tale slapping as we sailed by...Then Ketchikan--the mountain-water town-on-stilts.  Totem poles everywhere, not minding the upside-down  umbrella or rain in our faces.  Energy stopping me in my tracks at the two hundred year old totem poles. Conversation with a native guide who hears voices when no one is about, and sees shamans outside her window at night. Says the ancestors are all around... Can't get enough of the native art --paintings, drums, boxes, masks -- all draw me off the street and into the shops. Creek street built-on-stilts with its native dolls, crystals, and art enchanting me.  So much so I'm not surprised to find out later it was a red light district for 50 years.  Salmon spawning in the creek and humans spawning in the street :)...

Still raining, now in Juneau, historic town, mountain backdrop.   Fog shape-shifting everywhere. Eagles on the beach in Auk Bay, whales breaching right in front of me.  The green mountain, white glacier, blue water of Mendehall stopping me in my tracks.  Again. Ice crystals stun me with their beauty, and torn up salmon remains more than hint at bear's dinner last night... Hoonah -- natives have lived here 12,000 years.  I heard the story that it was Raven who stole starlight, moonlight and sunlight from the gods and brought them to the people. Is it true? ....Beach walk in the rain. Trees inviting me in.  Moss covering everything, stumps with faces.  Light orbs in my photos -- were nature spirits speaking to me?  Or maybe the ancestors like the native artist in Victoria said later?.... Mountains surrounding the ship and dwarfing us as we entered the fjord.  Green water, ice floes everywhere, sunlight slashing across the blue water glacier at the last moment as the boat turned round an island to head back into open water....Moonlight pictures from the boat with light orbs bubbling all over.....  Killer whales and harbor porpoises off the side of the ship as we headed south again.  Alaska energies...